NFL Week 5 Picks 2025 Philly to pull off rare feat as Chiefs comeback continues: check out our NFL Week 5 picks

Some days, I’m convinced the true language of sports isn’t English, Italian, or Spanish – it’s profanity. It’s everywhere: in stadiums, in my living room, and, most embarrassingly, in the babbling mouth of my 18-month-old daughter. A few days ago, she echoed one of my outbursts like a tiny, unfiltered mirror. It was brutal. No heartwarming moment, no cute video for social media – just shame.

Back in the ’90s, when I was a kid, swearing – at least according to my parents – was a ritual reserved for construction workers and beer-drinking adults. There were rules: no cursing in front of women, and definitely not at the dinner table. Those lines have long since faded. These days, I let fly with my finest insults at the office, on the street, and even from behind the keyboard when I’m writing picks.

Magical Mahomes sparks swearing sesh

And how could I not? Two weeks in a row, I blew the Game of the Week pick. There’s nothing more humbling than watching Patrick Mahomes remind me I’m a… well, you get the idea. Just last Wednesday, I wrote that history tells us never to bet against Mahomes and the Chiefs – and then I did exactly that. Pure contradiction. Like warning myself to lay off spicy food while drowning my pizza in habanero sauce. Sometimes I don’t even agree with my own thoughts, and that’s when the swearing starts.

Mahomes was back to his electric self, tossing four touchdown passes against Baltimore. And I’ve got no choice but to admit it: the Arrowhead Empire still stands tall. On the other side, Lamar Jackson once again looked like a ghost in Kansas City. I unleashed a storm of curses, and my daughter – probably – stored them away to repeat later at daycare, where I’ll no doubt be summoned to explain why the few words she knows are precisely the ones she shouldn’t be saying.

Profanity spills out in moments of injury, too. How else are you supposed to react to what happened to Tyreek Hill? It was one of those terrifying scenes that make you cover your eyes and curse at the same time. And what are you supposed to say – or not say – when Spencer Rattler, a quarterback with more headlines than highlights, repeatedly sliced through Buffalo’s defense like a finger through cotton candy?

Football is an emotional trap. It lures you in with records that feel like they were written by a screenwriter drunk on tequila. Take the Eagles, for example. In Week 3, they blocked two field goal attempts by the Rams. Then, in the opening drive of Week 4, they blocked a punt by Tampa Bay. That made them the first team in NFL history to score touchdowns on consecutive defensive series following blocked kicks. It’s so bizarre, you end up swearing out of sheer confusion.

Sometimes I think the NFL enjoys watching me spiral. Kickers miss field goals like their controller’s busted in Madden.

So here I am, gearing up for Week 5 picks with a dictionary of curse words lodged in my throat and the creeping suspicion that I’m about to be wrong again. But hey – if I’m going to miss, I’ll do it with style. If I’m going to yell, I’ll do it with conviction. Because football, after all, is also played in the language of profanity. Ugly? Sure. But it’s cathartic. It’s the bridge between frustration and passion. It’s part of the sports lexicon. A necessary evil.

Game of the Week: Broncos at Eagles (-3.5)

For some strange reason, the conversation around Philadelphia remains stuck on the infamous Tush Push. From the offseason – when several owners tried to ban it – to officials who still insist it’s impossible to decipher what’s happening when 22 bodies collide inches from the goal line, the debate rages on. But while the chatter continues, the reigning Super Bowl champion Eagles keep soaring. And that’s nothing new.

They’re chasing a 5-0 start for the third time in four seasons – a feat only Peyton Manning’s Colts pulled off in 2006, 2007, and 2009. Jalen Hurts already has nine total touchdowns and zero interceptions, striking a surgical balance between precision and controlled aggression.

Special teams are also keeping the Eagles airborne. Philly turned blocked kicks into touchdowns in back-to-back weeks – something only three teams have managed in the entire 21st century. That kind of execution speaks to dominance and discipline in areas where most teams barely move the needle.

Of course, it’s not all perfection. Hurts can look like the most efficient quarterback in the league on one play, and completely lose the thread on the next. Saquon Barkley keeps slamming into defensive walls, and the dynamic duo of A.J. Brown and DeVonta Smith hasn’t gotten the spotlight many expected – a potential source of tension if the trend continues.

On the other side, Denver arrives with a rebellious edge. Bo Nix is no longer a promising prospect – he’s the real deal. Since 2024, the rookie has racked up 36 passing touchdowns and five more on the ground, a blistering pace matched only by Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson. The defense is making its mark too, leading the NFL with 15 sacks, while the offensive line has allowed just three. The Broncos sit at 2-2 after dismantling Cincinnati 28-3 in Monday Night Football. Their two losses came down to the wire—a field goal against the Chargers in Week 3 and a bitter officiating call versus the Colts in Week 2.

The numbers point to balance. But the difference lies in Philadelphia’s ability to win in every imaginable way. That experience should be the separator in a tight matchup.

Prediction: Broncos 20, Eagles 24

Picks in a few words

The Niners are more beat up than an old punching bag in a dusty boxing gym. Meanwhile, the Rams offense is shining like a Hollywood star on premiere night.

Prediction: 49ers 17, Rams 24

• Vikings (-3.5) vs Browns:

Minnesota plays its second straight game in Europe. Cleveland’s defense is playoff-worthy, but when it comes to adapting to the overseas stage, the Vikings have the edge.

Prediction: Vikings 20, Browns 14

Lamar Jackson will be sidelined. Houston’s defense pitched a shutout against the Titans last Sunday. One of the toughest games to call given the context.

Prediction: Texans 20, Ravens 17

• Dolphins (-1.5) at Panthers:

Miami lost Tyreek Hill to one of the nastiest injuries of the season. Carolina? Still a bad football team.

Prediction: Dolphins 24, Panthers 17

Not even Tom Brady could save the Raiders from this one.

Prediction: Raiders 14, Colts 20

I’m surprised New Orleans is favored. They made the Bills work, sure – but they’ve still got plenty of holes. The Giants are riding a wave of momentum behind rookie Jaxson Dart.

Prediction: Giants 23, Saints 20

If not for their defense, Dallas should have a better record than just one win. Dak Prescott is playing at an MVP level.

Prediction: Cowboys 30, Jets 24

• Titans at Cardinals (-9):

Vegas is calling for a blowout – I’m not buying it.

Prediction: Titans 17, Cardinals 20

• Buccaneers at Seahawks (-3.5):

Even without Mike Evans, the Bucs are a legit football team.

Prediction: Buccaneers 21, Seahawks 17

Cincinnati’s season ended with Joe Burrow’s injury.

Prediction: Lions 30, Bengals 10

• Commanders at Chargers (-2.5):

If Jayden Daniels plays, Washington wins. If he doesn’t? Washington still wins.

Prediction: Commanders 24, Chargers 21

• Patriots at Bills (-7.5):

Buffalo is undefeated, but New England’s offense has the weapons to exploit the Bills’ softest unit.

Prediction: Patriots 27, Bills 30

• Chiefs (-3.5) at Jaguars:

Kansas City bounced back with a big win over Baltimore. Jacksonville’s defense leads the NFL in takeaways, but Mahomes and company are starting to find their rhythm.

Prediction: Chiefs 20, Jaguars 17

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